And Backs and Forths

I know exactly how Kelly feels. She and I have been having really similar experiences over the last two years: first and second years of teaching, adjusting to cities that are really more like suburbs, and making the hard decision to leave the classroom after only a short time in it. Our current dilemma is just another of those similarities.

Here's my situation. I agreed, pretty enthusiastically, to move back to Indiana when my husband found a job here after being in Chicago for two years. Once I got here, though, I had a huge problem adjusting. I missed living in a big city A LOT. I would even say last year, the first year we lived in Fort Wayne, was the worst year of my life (part of that had to do with being a first-year teacher, which is pretty stressful).

Then, the best imaginable thing happened. I applied to several PhD programs and, after a lot of work and waiting, started to hear back. I was accepted to the University of Michigan, a program I felt unbelievably lucky to have an offer with, and got excited about the possibility of moving to Ann Arbor for a few years. Then, I heard from Northwestern, a school I thought was more than a long shot for me. It turns out the stars had aligned so they were looking for someone with my set of interests and qualifications, and I was accepted. This meant moving back to Chicago, the place I had convinced myself was my real "home," moving in with one or both of my sisters (I was still sad about living apart from Kevin, but the fact that they would be there made me feel a lot better), and going to a great grad program studying exactly what I wanted with a professor who couldn't be a more perfect mentor for me.

Imagine my surprise, then, when a couple of weeks ago I started to second-guess my decision. Spring was starting, so all of a sudden our house, yard, and the city itself looked really pretty. My classes started going really well; I felt like I was hitting my stride as a teacher. I had a couple of great weekends with friends in the Fort Wayne area. I really started to imagine that I could stay here long-term and be happy as a high school teacher.

However, I still truly believe I made the right choice - that staying here is the easy and safe route while moving back to Chicago is a challenge that I'm ready for and that I'm supposed to take. I also believe, as my mom told me when I called her upset about this the other night, that "the day after I schedule a haircut appointment, my hair always looks great." I think there are good things about any place, and it's natural to feel sad about leaving. I'm sure that once I find an apartment, move, get into a routine with Kevin's visits, and settle into school these worries will disappear.

- Brady