My Thoughts On Being Married and Living Apart - Brady

I've been meaning to do this post for awhile, so now that I'm on summer vacation I thought it would be a good time to sit down and put my thoughts into words.

I have really mixed feelings about living apart from Kevin. At first, I felt relieved when we figured out we could make it happen. I hated the idea of asking him to look for a new job and move out of a house that he loves. I was actually really stressed out about it. In fact, we have both felt worried about imposing on each other over the last two years. Kevin knew I wasn't wild about Fort Wayne and felt really bad about "making me move here." (He did not MAKE me move. As if he even could. Ha ha. I was enthusiastic to try out living in Indiana and told him, emphatically, he should take the job.)

When the relief wore off, I felt kind of upset by the decision we had made. I had moved to Chicago when we got married because Kevin was in law school there, and then I moved to Fort Wayne with him when he found a job here. At times I feel like it's not fair that I have moved twice for him and he hasn't yet followed me to the best place for my career. These negative emotions, though, are countered by the fact that Kevin is probably the most considerate husband in the world, and I trust him 100% when he says that he likes his job enough here to make it worth the sacrifice of living apart.

And then there are times when I just get nervous that this will damage our relationship in some way. I don't believe it will - the marriage feels pretty rock solid to me - but it's a concern that I have. I get past this by just acknowledging that NOT doing something because you're afraid to is a bad way to live your life. I have also resolved to just be a nicer person to be married to. Kevin's always bringing me little presents or sending me articles I might like to read or doing chores that are technically my responsibility. I'm trying to reciprocate more often.

On the other side of the spectrum, I've also felt really excited about this next step. When I found out Kelly and maybe Amy were moving to Chicago too, I realized that very few people have the opportunity to live with their siblings as adults. My enthusiasm is helped by the fact that I get along really well with both of my sisters.

Also, and this might sound like I'm a terrible wife, I think having our own time and space might be kind of nice sometimes. Even now I really like when I have a day to myself at our house. I think I'm nicer to Kevin when I see him again when I have that alone time. Now, I don't know if 4 days not seeing him will have the same effect, but I'm trying to be optimistic. I also think it will give both of us time to work really hard, him at his job and me at school.

I've obviously thought a lot about this and have talked to some good friends who have made it through time apart. It's always reassuring to hear other peoples' stories. Our friends Liz and Kyle lived apart for quite awhile right when they got married. We also have some friends in med school who are dating very seriously but, because of residencies and fellowships, don't know when they'll end up in same city. When I'm feeling really worried, I think about people with spouses in the armed services and how they'll go for months without seeing each other. All of these situations are worse than ours and remind me that Kevin and I are actually pretty lucky.

Overall, I'm just trying to accept that this is our situation and look on the bright side. Really good things might come of it, and it's certainly comforting to know I'll be living with Kelly and maybe Amy instead of by myself. I also try to keep things in perspective. We'll have our whole lives to be married (still a very hard concept to grasp even after 4 years together!), and someday this will be just one tiny little point on a long timeline.